I'm going to be real honest this was kind of a hard post to write and extremely humbling. As I'm thinking about how we make our marriage work, I'm constantly thinking of ways that I could be a much better wife. So I will touch on that a wee bit later!
This our first official picture together. J is seven years older than me (what a cradle robber) and we met my last year of college. When I met J I was young, but also knew exactly what I wanted to do in life, finish college, move back to my home town, settle down and have babies . I was very sure about that(read selfish)! Poor J, didn't even know what he got roped into.
After just over a year of dating we got engaged in February and planned our wedding for August. No need to take your time when you know its the right one correct? I always wanted a fall wedding and J is a huge hunter, so we compromised and went with the LAST weekend in August ha! That was probably one of the first times I realized marriage would be work... having to compromise. I'm going to be honest, I have a tendency of my way or the highway, at least I did back then (still do sometimes--- such a negative thing, whoops), but we compromised and I realized that hey, it worked out for both of us. So that is where I start almost all our big life choices, compromising in some way.
If J ever read this he would laugh hysterically at my compromising comment because I think it goes my way more than his. For example, our wedding, he didn't want to do any of the planning, I asked and I asked and he said no whatever you want Babe. Well one day he goes, actually I think it would be fun to incorporate pheasant feathers into the centerpieces, I looked up, said no, and moved on. Like I said, I'm better now. Poor guy.
But anyway there is a little background and I'll move on to my top five ways to keep our marriage strong:
{1: Doing things the other person likes}
This is something that took me a little bit to catch on to, not so much that I wanted to always do things I liked, but that his passions are a ways different than mine like hunting, fishing, and being outside. My friends from back home laugh and laugh and laugh at me now. They are like if you would of said 10 years ago Kristi would go camping I would of bet you $100 you're kidding. No joke. Seriously when I grew up my idea of outside was either being on a boat or being outside at a restaurant, don't even get me started on winter months (we NEVER went outside). So about a year and a half ago I would start going scouting with him. He lovvvvvves to drive around looking for deer and I just happen to love driving around talking. I don't think he hears a lot of what I say, but for the most part its great conversation. From there we progressed to buying a fish house/camper. Who would of thought I would love ice fishing like I do? I mean its embarrassing crazy. Once Summer rolled around our date nights actually centered around going out to eat then fishing, which fell into the lines of me talking J's ear off and him doing what he loves. So I have learned that we can definitely connect over things that aren't always our favorite or something that would be our top choice to do.
{2: Me Time}
I cannot stress this one enough. This really started for me 3 years ago when I started working out more. At that time I didn't work out early in the morning like I do now. I would work out in the afternoon and sure I could work out with Elliot there but it made it sometimes a little distracting. Once summer rolled around I would wait for J to get done working and head to the gym. I cannot even put into words how thankful I was that I could just leave for an hour and do something that would only benefit me (I later realized it made me a better wife and mom but that's a different story). Once I realized how great it was I really made an effort to make sure J did things. Now we moved back to my home town, not his, he left all his friends back where we went to school. Those friends back in Fargo are some super amazing guys. So J takes frequent guy trips. I think this is something very hard for some people to understand that we like to do things separately or that it doesn't phase me when he leaves for 3/4 days at a time. It is so so so good for both of us.
{3: Babysitters}
I think it is so important to get a babysitter, whether you are going out for drinks and din, to a movie, to run errands, to golf, I'm talking anything. Get a babysitter! It is so great to have some one on one time without getting interrupted by little ones. We used to have a sitter about once a week, now we are just so busy we usually do about once every two weeks. Babysitters are hard to find! When we find a really good one and she hasn't left for college yet we tend to use them a bit!
{4: Cooking and Sit Down Meals}
We love cooking and almost always sit down as a family to eat dinner weeknights. Sometimes we just let the girls eat first and we will eat after they go down to bed. Having that chance to talk about the day and not worry about anything else. It does the soul good. We also find it so fun to try new recipes!
{5: Being Healthy/Healthier}
This one is a big one for me. I am SO much happier when I stay active. Whether it is hard workouts or just getting out and hiking our local state park or going on a walk. Anything active gets those good endorphin's running and just pours happy feelings into you. I think if you stay active in general you just are a happier person and more relaxed which makes a happier wife :) Also getting good sleep I think is important to your health. I don't know about you but if I don't get good sleep I'm not a good wife and am way more prone to have a bad attitude.
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Now back to the beginning of the post where I talked about feeling slightly guilty while writing this because I couldn't help but think about all the things I really need to work on.
{1}
Love languages. Man these things ring true. J's is without a doubt physical touch. You want to know what I'm worst at? Physical touch. I suck. Seriously, I need to be WAY better at showing J some affection. I feel so awful about that. Definitely something I need to get better at this year!{2}
Stop putting J second to the girls. I bend over backwards for my girls, I'm at their beck and call at all times, sadly I am not that way for J. I don't know what it is. But I definitely need to give J the attention I give the girls and probably a little more than I give them.{3}
PUT DOWN THE PHONE. My goodness Kristi, put down your phone. Sometimes I do really good. Majority of the time I'm on my phone, like every 5 minutes checking in on Facebook or Instagram. Because you know things change a lot in those 5 minutes (palm to face). I used to text people allllllllll the time. I mean all.the.time. My phone doesn't even go off for text messages because if it did a couple years ago it would sound like a fire alarm at all times. I got so much better about not texting all the time (while frequency went down, quality went up when we did talk) but for some reason I just can't quit social media. What is it about it? I can't. I need to get better at that.WHOA. This might be the longest post ever. So sorry but apparent I had a lot to talk about! I'll leave you with some pictures I found on my phone and hopefully you guys have some good advice for me to fix those last three or any ideas to add to the top!
Valentines 2015- pregnant with a duck dynasty baby Dixie
Garth Brooks Concert
Black Hills- Summer 2016
Golfing
First date night after Dixie
Five year anniversary 8/27/2016
5 year anniversary trip - Walker, MN
Golfing (J constantly tells me he prefers me blonde ha)
Ala Mater North Dakota State University football game vs. Iowa
Wedding Fun
Glow Ball Golfing
J's Birthday Din
I'm not sure? But this sums us up perfectly
Jason Aldean Concert
Yes. Yes. Yes. Girl, I was nodding my head in agreement to every single thing you were saying! I, too, need to work on all of those areas!!! Don't kid yourself though. You are an amazing wife and J is beyond lucky to be married to you!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteGirl you are my biggest cheerleader in life, every girl needs a friend like you! xoxo
DeleteOh my goodness, why can't they have the same love language as us. It makes it hard but so good to know how we can strive to love well. Oh and yes kids always seem to yell for attention louder so my hubby gets 2nd fiddle...Good things and reminders to strive for and I have been working hard lately on putting down the phone at night! Have a great day and hope you had a great vacation. xoxoERIN
ReplyDeleteRight? It would be so great if we could be on the same page, but opposites attract right?
DeleteOhhhh the love language. My husband is 100% physical touch and I am 100% NOT, lol!! Great post!
ReplyDeleteHahah glad you find humor in it too! Thanks!!!
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